HMMM….. What interests me and what should I write here. Well I think the name of the blog kinda says it all. It is really about miscellaneous tidbits of my life. So these next few assignments will be about the different things I feel passionate about. It is funny I was talking to my husband earlier tonight and I used to feel passion about so many things. I couldn’t envision a life for my self without hard core music. Primus, Ministry, Metallica, Dead Kennedy’s, Suicidal Tendencies etc…, moshing and headbanging. Thinking of those bands gives my heart a little happy skip. And death to me if I was ever to sit on the sidelines like a wus. Do you know how many concerts I have gone to and not one time gotten in the pit? Pathetic. As I have aged I don’t feel those passions anymore. This getting older thing seems to be sucking me dry. I loved drinking and smoking and drugs and music and hate and now it is different. The anger that was so ingrained in me is gone. I am kinda sad about that.
And it is weird learning to love without hate. My son, wow who would have thought. I always heard having kids changes everything. I didn’t believe them. He didn’t really change me but completed me. I had lost that anger and hate of my youth and was just happy, but in kind of a meaningless way. Every day seems better and better with this whole parental thing. My thoughts on the kind of mother I would be were definitely different than the reality. I kinda figured I would go ballistic a lot and loose my temper but I don’t really do that.
I used to think God hated me and didn’t really get the whole love thing. I read the New Testemant a few times to prove to my husband how much God hated women and how horrible it all was. But it wasn’t. It wasn’t how I envisioned at all. It was simple. It was true. It wasn’t all silly shit like angels flapping around and harps and stupid smiles and soft voices. It was hard and real and dirty and heartbreaking. And my hate started slipping away
